WANDERING

I start each morning with a cup of coffee and the Bozeman Chronicle.  I usually growl over the news and opinion pages (It’s a voice for every right-wing nut in the area)  but I usually get my morning giggle when I read the Police Report, telling of what went on that night. Such as:

“A caller witnessed several people crawling out of the ditch across from the Animal Shelter. They were carrying sleeping bags.”

“A ‘very strange’ looking man was walking up and down Story Street all day.”

“A woman  reported using hair spray on a mean dog in the park.”

“A man  in  a wheelchair, holding a fishing pole, fell into the ditch on Sacajawea Park Drive. Witnesses assisted getting him out.”

“A caller was offended and wanted to know if it was legal to be shooting photographs of a topless woman outside on West Main  Street.”

“A caller was concerned about a bottle of water left in  a public restroom on East Main, thinking it might have been filled with explosive chemicals.”

“Several extremely loud females on bikes were reportedly in a parking lot on Koch Street at 12:15 a.m. One threw up in it.”

“Officers warned a drunken man after he said he was dumping trash cans at a fast food restaurant on West Main because he was angry at corporate America.” The man then cleaned up the mess.”

“An officer checked on a man sitting in the middle of 11th St. He had fallen off his skate board.”

Those were just a few of the goodies gathered in a week or two.

Of course there were other stories of interest in  the paper. I particularly liked the one about  the four curvy women, wearing very revealing bikinis, picketing outside a local church, to get even with the church’s minister, who has been leading his parishoners in picketing in front of the Foxhole Strip Club, where the ladies eaned their living. What’s good for the goose, right?

I may have mentioned that the paper gets really, really fancy with their obits. Today’s told us that a local woman “passed away Sunday, taking the Lord’s hand as He led her home. She loved the Lord with all her heart and soul and served Him faithfully as a Christian and a mother. She is at peace. She is free” …. etc.

This morning’s paper contained a story that made me scratch my head while grinding my teeth. It stated that Israel has just ordered $4 billion worth of nice, new, adavanced American F-351 fighter jets from Lockheed Martin. Do you want to know where they got that $4 billion?  The paper said “The purchase will be funded by U.S. Military aid to Israel.” Wheeeeeee! We supposedly don’t want them to bomb Iran, but we gived them the money to buy our fancy jets which will allow them to do exactly that. And the money comes back to Lockheed.  “Military-Industrial-Complex” anyone?

FIGHT FORTH