The Return of Cranky Pants

The Christians are bugging me again.

Author Anne Rice, gets a salute from me by withdrawing from the Catholic Church again.  She has announced that she just can’t put up with all the crap anymore. “I remain committed the Christ — but find it impossible to belong to this quarrelsome, hostile, disputatious group. I refuse to be anti-gay. I refuse to be anti feminist. I refuse to be anti-birth control. I refuse to be anti-Democratic. I refuse to be anti-secular humanism.  I refuse to anti-science. I refuse to be anti-life. I refuse to be a Christian anymore.”

Good on you Anne. With that attitude you’ll be healed in no time.

I wish Jane Fonda had the same attitude, but, I fear, she has fallen into a black vat of BornAgainism.  I used to think nothing but sweet thoughts about dear Jane. I agreed with everything she did and said about our Vietnam adventure, and when I watched her exercise tapes my glasses used to fog up. But, according to Ted, their marriage broke up because he couldn’t handle that religion foolishness. So I’m afraid that if Miss Fonda were to sneak into my bedroom tonight and whip off her sweater as she unhooked her bra and begged me to “Examine my breasts. Please. Please. Please.”  I’d just cover my eyes, turn my back, and say “Begone woman. People who actually believe in ‘The Rapture’ make my teeth itch.”

I wonder how long it will be before we forget all about the BP oil “spill.” They say it was the worst in history, but our love of nice big cars will make us forget rapidly. By Christmas people will say “BP? What BP?”

I see that our” Patriots” are already branding the young Australian guy who released military secrets on wikiLeak as a dirty, commie, socialist, Muslim, Nazi, child-molesting bastard. It happens every time someone points out the stupidity of any of our tragic little wars. Watch for Rush, Bill O, Sean and Beck to demand his castration with a good old American bayonet.

At least every month or so I see a story in the paper about a guy being arrested for his 10^th or 12^th drunk driving charge. I really don’t understand how our judges can continue to slap their wrists and let them go time and time again. If a wild man were running up and down our streets with a razor, slashing everyone he met, we’d put him away for a looooong time. To me a drunk driver is in that same class. He’s out their driving a high-speed metal bullet aimed at the hearts of anyone on the same street. I think there should b e a $l, 000 fine and a month in jail for the first offense. When he does it again he should spend a year in jail, and forfeit his car. The third offense should result in execution on the steps of the saloon that served him booze.  Each year we lose more people to drunk drivers than we do in all our wars, but too damn many people somehow think drunk driving is kind of cute.

I’m getting a kick out of the raging roars coming from the right over the proposed mosque to be built near Ground Zero. They think a Muslim mosque would be insulting to the 9/11 victims. Maybe the wingnuts would be happier with a big, old Baptist church. But that would get the Catholics, Mormons and Jews pissed, so maybe we should construct a Monster McDonalds. How about just stacking our outdated rusty war machines one on top of the other until they reach the heavens. We could put a few hundred of our old bombers on the spot, and then stack up some outdated tanks, and a few old submarines, helicopters and cannons. We have billions and billions of dollars worth of unused armament that we haven’t been able to peddle to impoverished, frightened little nations around the world.  Let’s see how high that stack could reach, and we could issue special permits to really patriotic people allowing them to come by and sing “America the Beautiful” while saluting.

I have to admit that my happiness juices were flowing mightily on the day Obama was elected president. I thought that wisdom had finally arrived.

I still think a lot of him, and will probably vote for his re-election, but I’m starting to wonder if he thinks we’re all a bunch of dummies.

He was elected on the promise of ending the stupid wars.  Instead, he increased the size of our army over there, and now denies that we’re getting the pee kicked out of us by the folks we went there to rescue.  More than 4.000 of our youngsters have been killed over there. Nearly 100,000 have been wounded or injured. So far we have spent $737 BILLION dollars on the wars

This week he tried to throw a blanket over our eyes by saying that all combat troops would be out of Iraq by the end of this month. There will be just a few non-combat troops staying there. Like 50,000 of them. We should all see the plan by now. Look at the man behind the screen. He’s telling us the war is ending, but he is making plans to have thousands and thousands of American soldiers staying behind in Afghanistan and Iraq, knowing damned well that they’ll still be there for fifty more years. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

FIGHT FORTH