I’m Getting Pissed

I’m getting pissed over this Muslim situation.

Being a good American I believe in religious freedom for all — even though I think all religions are either silly, stupid or dangerous superstitions. But, as the man said, they can do whatever they want as long as they don’t do it in the streets and scare the horses. Who cares what the hell religious people do? If orthodox Jews want to wear long curls and odd square little hats, or if Catholics like to sprinkle each other with “holy water” and incense while lighting little red candles and praying to statues, that’s fine.  If some Southern Baptists want to tickle rattlesnakes in  church, what the hell — Just leave me out of all that bull-pucky.

Normally I think they should be left alone to practice their myths as long as they don’t endanger me.

It’s the people who insist I live by their ridiculous rules that make me angry. Just this week a gang of fundamentalist Christians manged to get our advances in stem-cell research brought to a dead stop because of their twisted beliefs. Vitally important medical science is stopped dead in its tracks because of some bible-thumping jackass. I don’t like the fact that the Catholics are fighting against homosexuals at every turn, and , instead of saying, “I don’t like abortion, so I won’t have one,” they say, “You can’t have one either.” They’d like to have the Ten Commandments tattooed on my ass (Five on each cheek)

When I lie in  bed at night, trying to figure how to solve the world’s problems, I often bite my pillow when I think about what religions have done to the world.

Now — about these Muslims.

I had a “What If” moment last night.  What if a bunch of psychopathic idiots in a country called Goofystan decided to start religion which ruled that women and cows were of equal rank, except that the cows could run around naked whereas all women had to live inside a walking tent,  with nothing but their eyes showing — and those eyes better not ever, ever look at a man and lead him into evil temptation. What if they said that they could perform rustic rusty surgery on young girls to make sure they didn’t like sex and ruin men’s souls? What if they said it was your duty to kill someone who didn’t agree with them? Hell, you could kill someone for even drawing a picture of God. What if  this new religion said it was okay to stone a woman to death for adultery, but never mentioned any punishment for male participants? What if it was okay to throw acid in the face of little girls who dared to go to school? What if they ruled that it was okay to set fire to children of disbelievers? What if they encouraged suicide bombings, as long as it was done in the name of Allah? What if they could actually convince their men that they’d find 72 virgins waiting in heaven as soon as they died in a blaze of blood and terror for Allah.

And what if they said “Okay. It’s time to move to America and make some converts?”

That’s what scares hell out of me. They say that there are now roughly 6 million Muslims in the USA. I know that they are mostly kind, gentle people. I’ve heard it said that 90% of American Muslims are just like all the rest of us — good, decent citizens. It’s that other 10% that makes my eyeballs spin. If 10% of the American Muslims are batshit crazy I don’t want to send out any Welcome Wagons.

What I really want, and insist on, is for the mullahs or imans or whatever the hell their leaders are called to stand up and loudly denounce that 10%. They can’t really expect to be welcomed here until they assure us that they don’t agree with their insane fundamentalism. I want a Muslim leader or two (or 50) to say, “We don’t believe all that madness. We just want to practice a quiet, peaceful religion.”

I sure as hell don’t like being associated with anything Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh, Newt Gingrich or those other mellon-heads are saying — so I’m begging for relief from worry.

But, until I start hearing such statements from rational Muslims, I don’t want their maniacal cousins living in my neighborhood.

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