FUNNY MEN AREN’T FUNNY

Working with the average comedian was about as much fun as having a bus park on your nose.

They say in Hollywood that the funnier a man is while on a stage, the more grouchy and demanding he is off stage.

I have tried to think of the famous comedians I have worked with who were happy, pleasant people to deal with. Dick Van Dyke is the only one who comes to mind right now.

I’d rather walk through a room filled with rattlers than work with Jerry Lewis when he’s in  one of his “down” periods. And when Danny Thomas wasn’t at work in front of a camera he thought of himself as a world-class philosopher.

Freddie Prinze was a funny kid on stage, but during the last few months before his death I watched him  slouch around the studio with sad eyes and droopy shoulders.  I wasn’t aware of his drug problems, but I knew he was a damned unhappy young fellow.

Bob Hope was probably America’s best-loved clown, but when he wasn’t following  a script or working in  front of a camera he was not a joker. He became a fastidious businessman. You don ‘t get to be ranked as one of the nation’s richest men by clowning around and saying silly things.

The great Jack Benny was a nice man, but he seldom told jokes unless he was paid for it. Back during his days as “Mister Television ” Milton Berle was a tyrant who had a temper which would make a Marine cringe.

When they weren’t portraying a TV character people like Bill Cosby, Tommy Smothers, Tony Randall, Don Knotts, Harvey Korman, Richard Pryor and Red Foxx could be as much fun as a knife fight..

Tommy Smothers was a friend, and I consider him a comic master, but in real life he is nothing at all like the goofy character he portrays in the brothers act.  He is a deadly serious, demanding and explosive artist who works and worries over every word in their act. I have seen him purple with rage, teeth clenched in  anger, step in front of a camera and instantly become the lovable brother complaining that his mother liked his brother best.

I have tried to figure out why these men, perhaps the most beloved personalities in  Hollywood, should be the least happy in  real life. But I guess if my life and fortune depended on my ability to get millions of people to watch me while they waited to be wrapped in happy laughter,  I too would get nervous and tense. I think most of them are half convinced that their success is a fluke, and that at any minute the public is going to say, “Hey. You’re not funny. Give that money back and get out of town.”

Once Lucille Ball walked backstage after doing one of her fast-paced wacky comedy routines, put her head on my shoulder, and joked,  “Oh, God.  I’m too old for this crap.”  That’s when I realized that most comedians don’t get on stage for money. They do it because they are driven to make us laugh — to make us love them.  To a comedian, laughter and applause is like air to a drowning man. If you had had to tell Bob Hope that he’d never again be paid for one of his routines he’d get grouchy, but if you told him that he’d never again hear laughter or applause, he’d break into loud sobs.

Comedy is a tedious, humorless art.

It almost killed Dick Van Dyke.  He worked so hard at being funny that he started hitting  booze for help on those long days and nights.

“I wouldn’t admit to anyone, even myself, that I had become an alcoholic until I realized that I was being mean and nasty to my family and friends. That’s when I knew something was very wrong, and I had to do something about it.  He’s one of the few who was able to beat the booze beast. He still gets nervous and uptight just before he walks on stage, but he’d rather gobble a pail of decayed worms than hurt anyone’s feelings — and that’s what makes him a very unusual comedian.

Fight Forth